Hopefully, you and your partner are both fighting to move your relationship forward, and it’s important to express that. Starting the conversation with “We’re both upset,” which acknowledges how you feel without placing the blame on either one of you.
You’re on the same team. Take responsibility for your own behavior, say, ‘I know there are things I do that upset you, and there are things I’m upset with you about. Can we talk about this?’
Be careful with ‘I’ statements.
Using “I” statements like, “I felt upset when you did this” can be a great way of letting someone know how their actions affected you, but too often people use “I” statements to be accusatory, like “I feel like you’re really heartless.”
“If you’re going to use ‘I’ statements, you have to do the emotional math and translate it: Figure out what you’re upset with and ask yourself what impact that person’s behavior had on you. “Did it hurt your feelings, or make you feel rejected? And then start from there, with something like, ‘I felt really hurt when you said this.'”