After a marital affair, it’s likely that you are not completely aware of your emotions or how to control or transcend unhealthy reactions. However, all is not lost. Understand that an important goal is not making things worse. Coping with infidelity requires a dedicated and cautious effort to succeed.
First things first: Focus on what you can not, will not or should not do. Let’s say you begin noticing the subtle signs of infidelity, but aren’t sure whether to confront your spouse or simply ignore the problem for the time being. Denial will only deepen your spouse’s notion of being invulnerable and encourage continuation of the affair without fear of being caught. Being open and honest with your spouse is important once you feel the signs of cheating are strong enough to confront. You need a game plan prior to approaching the subject. Step back from the shock and overriding emotions. Take a deep breath and begin to gather information that you can then take to your spouse. Never assume an affair. Get proof before you accuse, or the situation could go from bad to worse.
What next? If your spouse is or has been in an affair, then of course your instinct to be angry, hurt, and depressed may cloud your better judgment. Quite frankly, you’ll need time to mourn the loss of trust and intimacy between you and your spouse. But do not allow your anger to overpower your need to work toward a solution. Gaining trust after infidelity is not always a moot point, depending on the circumstances. However, it is dangerous to ignore the affair. Worse yet, is to confront both parties without first getting yourself right.
So you’ve gathered proof, confronted the affair and have begun to formulate a plan and a purpose for your relationship going forward. But, you’re not certain how you should progress from here. Asking Questions will help you to decide the future of your marriage. If you want a future for your marriage, it helps both of you to cope with infidelity when you ask questions. Just be sure you want to know the answers. The cheating spouse will likely want to maintain silence, as guilt and shame stamp down any desire to talk about the affair. To save your marriage, it is imperative that you and your spouse talk about the affair, but the timing and degree to which you discuss details should be a mutual decision. What you shouldn’t do is demand answers on your terms, without professional guidance, no matter how hurt and angry you may be. Doing so will only risk driving your spouse into complete silence.
Finally, never underestimate the power of support. Ask those who have been through an affair and saved their marriage for advice on how to handle the aftermath. A marriage cannot be saved until an affair is ended.